Find Your Love: Discover Your Life’s Calling Today
written by Nick Cernis on February 14th, 2008
Scary Question Alert!
What’s the meaning of life?
I like to think that there are several little meanings that add up to make a big one.
For me, one of the smaller ones is to find your love and help others to do the same. It’s one of the reasons I started Put Things Off.
Isn’t it about time that I tackled the issue? Let’s go for it!
A Less Scary Question
One of the questions I’m often asked is:
“I hate my job! Erm… what should I do instead?”
It’s a difficult one to answer, but I’m going to do it anyway. Since it’s National Singles Awareness Day (you might call it Valentine’s Day, but I bet your single friends don’t), this article will answer that eternal question: “how do I find my true love?”
Everyone Loves A Love Story
You’ve heard the tale.
Two strangers’ eyes meet across a crowded room. Instant hit, violins, slow-motion running, romance, marriage, babies, white picket fence and a pet fluff ball called Killer. Bluuurch! Bucket alert! We’re not interested in them, are we? We couldn’t care less about their tonsil tennis and the soppy names they have for each other.
What we want to hear is a different love story: we need to know how to find our life’s calling, so we can live the lives we love! Even if you’re one of the lucky ones who found your dream career by accident, you can probably learn a lot and help your friends by reading on.
Some People Have All The Luck
You probably know people who’ve landed their dream jobs or found their true calling by mistake. I once met someone who’d accidentally become a professional sports photographer for a top snowboarding magazine.
He was on the slopes in France one day with a camera, when a good-looking girl dressed in trendy ski gear stopped him and asked if he’d like to take photos for a living and have a free season pass. He’s now married to her and shoots snowboarders for a living. The lucky git. (I’ve been wanting to shoot some for ages.)
Which Leaves Less Luck For You
Unfortunately, most people don’t find their true calling by accident.
What you need is some positive, practical advice that you can grow from. Then you can go out, grab your boss by the hair, get down on your knees, look up at him or her and scream, “You can take my lunch breaks, but you’ll never take my freeeeeeeeedom!”
Ahem. Sensible, well-balanced advice will now follow.
How To Find Your Love: 4 Top Tips
1) Look at your life right now. There’s a good chance that your life’s calling is already a part of your life. You may well know what you think you want to do, but you don’t have enough time or money to throw at it to see if you’re right.
This is particularly common for very busy people, or those in full time employment with a business idea that’s burning away in the background. It’s also found amongst other groups such as bloggers, musicians and sporty people who love what they do but can’t yet earn a living from it.
To all groups, I say this: if your calling is already a part of your life, that’s great! You’ve got a huge advantage already. You just need help bringing it to the forefront of your life. I’ll be talking more about how to play-test your dreams and ideas in the future before committing fully to them, so stay tuned.
2) Search out new experiences. If you haven’t yet found what you want from your life, the important thing is to always be on the look out! Make sure you put your self in as many new and interesting (but safe!) situations that you can. Yes, you might have to step away from your comfort zone once in a while, but the potential to discover your calling by accident will make it worth it.
The simple truth is, if you haven’t found your love within your own life, it just means it’s somewhere else instead! Get out there and get meeting new people, trying new sports and hobbies, and experimenting safely. You never know what you’ll find.
3) Ask your friends and family. Talk to the people in your life who know you best. Tell them how you feel about your life, your current job, and what you want for your future. Let it all out and they will want to help you. Then listen very carefully to their response. What you’re waiting for are three little magic words: “why”, “don’t” and “you”.
Friends and family who start their replies with “Why don’t you…” are worth their weight in strawberry cheesecake. These kind souls are the sacred keepers of the light bulbs; the idea people who might create that spark that you’ve been missing. Even if you think their first suggestion is crap, be grateful, encourage them and keep mining them for their ideas. One day you’ll hit oil.
And if you’re ever asked, “what should I do with my life”, then follow my advice: be a good listener, and then be sure to start your replies with the three golden words. One day your friends will thank you.
4) Look To Your Heroes. This is a dangerous one (see point 4b), but looking to the people you admire in your life can be a great way to explore your possible calling. Your heroes don’t have to be famous; they can just be people in your life who you admire for a range of reasons.
If you like them, there’s a good chance it’s because of what they do or who they’ve become, and that could be the trigger you need to help you find your dream career or business.
4b) But Don’t Look Too Hard. It can be very risky idolising your heroes and wasting your time trying to be like them. There is nothing wrong with trying to follow in someone else’s footsteps but, when you look back at the path you’ve taken in 10, 20, 50 or more years, make sure your prints will be visible too. The tallest trees don’t grow in the shade of others. Use your heroes as inspiration to find your calling, but don’t try to become them.
An Exercise To Find Your Love Today
Here’s an exercise to help you get thinking about your possible options. Follow along!
STEP 1 Grab a sheet of plain paper and a pencil.
STEP 2 Scribble down all of your skills in random positions.
STEP 3 Write down all of your interests in a similar fashion.
STEP 4 Now jot down all of the dreams you’ve been putting off chasing.
STEP 5 Finally, circle the 5 things on the page which make your heart beat fastest when you think about them.
It should take you at least three minutes — if you’ve not spent that long doing it, you’ve not written enough skills, interests and dreams down! When you’re done, the chances are high that your life’s calling might be connected with something in one of those 5 circles.
How Do You Know When You’ve Found It?
Other writers would feed you some crappy story or metaphor along the lines of “like finding your life partner, you just know“. That’s rubbish! Here on Put Things Off I only give practical advice that you can really get your teeth into.
5 Ways To Tell You’ve Found Your Calling
There are several ways to tell that you could have found your calling, but a combination of these five signs should give you reason to pop open the bubbly to celebrate!
1) You can’t stop talking about it. I must drive my girlfriend nuts asking her to proof my book drafts, test my web app demos and listen to my crazy business ideas — I probably talk about them more than is healthy. The sad thing is, people who have found their calling just can’t shut up about it.
2) You love getting up in the morning. When you’ve found your calling, the thought of getting up to start work is often great! Sure, you’ll still have days when you’d rather stay in bed and hide away from the world, but there will be fewer of them if you’re doing something you love.
3) You don’t feel as stressed. Being happy in your job can have a dramatic effect on your health and wellbeing.
4) You can see yourself doing the same thing in 3 years time. This is the real test. Jump ahead to the future and imagine that you’re still doing what you’re doing now. Are you still happy? If so, you might have found your true calling.
5) It makes you smile. It’s a simple cue, but something as basic as smiling more can often be a sign that you’re settling into a career or business you love. If your friends and family have noticed too, it’s an even stronger sign.
Important Advice While You’re Searching
Don’t give up!
The most important thing if you’re still looking for your calling is not to get too comfortable doing what you’re doing if you’re not happy there. Don’t get stuck in a rut now and regret it later. You have the power to change and shape the direction of your own life. You just need to spend a little bit of time thinking about it.
You can always change your mind later
If you don’t get it right first time, so what? Keep looking. You are never too old or too anything to change your mind and have a go at something new.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you
It will really help if you can find friends and family who will believe in you no matter what you do. If you already have friends like these, keep them close! If not, get out there and look for some!
Talk to the people in your life before making big changes
It’s fine if your dream is to be the first person to circumnavigate the globe butt naked in a hot air balloon but, for goodness sake, tell your partner, family, or friends about it before you set off. The last thing they need is to discover why you’ve been locking yourself away in the attic for all this time as they turn on the TV to see your naked backside on national news.
It’s not just about the money
Your calling might not actually make you any money. History is littered with amazing individuals who achieved great things and loved their work, but didn’t make much money from it. Your calling might be something you do on the side, or it might be charity work, or it might be something that benefits people in a more hidden way.
It’s not just about you
You don’t have to aspire to be the richest person in the world or the most talented sports person. If your calling is to be a great Mum to your kids, that’s already a truly wonderful ambition. Don’t feel you have to think ridiculously high to lead an amazing life and bring happiness into other people’s lives.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t ever find it
Wow! Did I really just say that? Yes, I did — because it’s true. What you have to remember is that it’s still possible to lead a happy, fulfilling life without having a dream job or running your own gig. There are bigger things in life than what you do for a living, and you can still be happy and enrich the lives of the people around you without being a rock star or supermodel.
Happy Find Your Love Day!
From this day forth, let Valentine’s Day also be known as Find Your Love Day. Yes, it’s important to show some love and respect for the special people in your life, but don’t forget to re-evaluate your own life and dreams at least once a year.
Happy Find Your Love Day to all PTO readers! I wish you all the very best of luck in your search.
Share The Love
Found your love? Still looking? Got some great advice that I’ve missed? Add your thoughts below!
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15 Feb 08
12:02
Mich
What a great post.
17 Feb 08
01:02
Rehan
hi there,
great post. made me realise what I was looking for. But now need you to give some more examples on how to go forth and grab these opportunities. Like I find myself very happy and buzzing talking about Apple Macs. Cant stop. Can you suggest what I can do with this.
Love your blog. Keep up the great life enriching work.
Cheers from London
17 Feb 08
10:02
Nick Cernis
Thanks folks.
@Rehan: Apple Macitis, eh! It depends on what stage you’re at in life and what experience you have so far. I’d suggest that you need to think what it is that you enjoy about Apple Macs and explore that area a bit further.
There are lots of areas that you could look at — be they product design, marketing, software, advertising, user-experience, graphic design, engineering, customer support, or whatever. I’d try to pin down my plan to one area if I were in your shoes.
Don’t necessarily think purely about Apple, either. Just use that inspiration to hone in on your field of interest. From there, you can explore it more by speaking to people who already do that work, or by reading a book on the area, or getting a qualification, or securing a job in the field. Have fun, and good luck exploring!
17 Feb 08
18:02
Chloe
This post is awesome. For years I struggled with finding my calling and had no one to turn to because all my friends are “established” in their careers, opting for the traditional route (ie, steady 9-5 jobs). I always knew at an early age that I did not want the routine life and my job hopping history proves it.
After almost killing myself with work and trying to do so many things at once, I finally realized I hadn’t found my life’s true calling. I did so many things because I liked doing different things but nothing felt like it was “it” for me. Reading this helps reassure me that I’m not alone and that others have the same thought processes as I do.
The one that resonates the most with me is “You can always change your mind later.” I’m going to bookmark this article on my computer so I can go to it when I’m feeling lost.
Thanks!
19 Feb 08
02:02
libby
I am a bit like Chloe. I am not a nine to fiver either, that freaks my folks out because of the student loans I have racked up for taking something like six years to complete a degree in English. I don’t know about elsewhere, but here in Minnesota, “writer” isn’t particularly a valid career. I get a lot of, “oh, so what are you going to do with that?” And, “Write the next New York Times best seller” isn’t an acceptable answer. Apparently everyone around me has chosen a career over life and has no problem with that. I have a problem with that.
I really enjoyed this post. I have just begun my foray into the world of online business. There is a lot of information coming at me, and as pretentious as I can be about writing, I am strangely and overwhelmingly insecure of my abilities, so I am moving slowly.
Nick, your blog as been helpful so far, I look forward to reading more. I particularly enjoyed the new holiday name: National Singles Awareness Day. I believe I will refer to it as such for many years to come regardless of my relationship status. :)
Cheers.
13 Mar 08
10:03
YALEMFIKER
I want to make contribution for making this world a better world for children especially who don’t have access for education, new technologies and who live in politically unstable countries,whose right are not protected or severly violated.i think this is my true calling but how can i do that ?from where i should begin?how i know this is exactly my feeling?if it is my true feeling that means i can’t make money out from it ,it is a kind of charity work so what can i do for my living?i really want to be rich,for myself and for helping others especially for bringing up adopted children or support as many as i can.so shall i do other works to be rich evenif i don’t like the job?pls giv me ur suggessition
14 Mar 08
22:03
Nick Cernis
@Chloe — thanks! I’m glad you found it useful.
@Libby — go for it! The first step is having confidence in your own abilities — it sounds like you’re moving towards that. With that in place, it’s much easier to convince others of your value and ability.
@Yalem — that’s a lovely goal. You have to experiment and find a balance with your desire to bring in an income and your charitable work. It’s definitely possible to do both — you could do charity work part time or take some time out to work with communities you want to support.
30 Mar 08
08:03
Africa
What i mean is that i am single male who needs a girlfriend to mary but beautifull in both heart and her presence.
3 Apr 08
15:04
Heather
I think true love takes time to get used to. When your on a date with him/her take things slow. Try to get to know the prson before you start taking things fast. both of you should beable to trust each other in any problem. You should show that you care for him/her.If you take things slow then you will kepp this person forever
3 May 08
12:05
Richard
Nick -
Great post.
If your readers want some more inspiration on this subject, they might also want to visit Careershifters - http://www.careershifters.org
This is a site that’s been set up by a bunch of people (including me) who’ve made their own career shifts and want to help others get inspired, find their calling and move into work that makes them jump out of bed in the morning.
Would love to hear what you think!
Richard.
3 May 08
12:05
Nick Cernis
Thanks, Richard — what a great site. Nice fresh design and solid content. Congratulations, and thanks for sharing the link. I urge anyone reading to check it out!
23 May 08
12:05
Joselle Palacios
This is one of the most helpful pieces I’ve read on the subject of finding your calling. Thanks for such an insightful post. I’ve really been struggling with what to do with my career. I feel like if my next job isn’t absolutely perfect, I’ll be doomed. Of course, nothing is perfect so this kind of thinking just leaves me paralyzed rather than inspired. Your approach is much more sane and fun.
17 Jul 08
23:07
John Rocheleau - Zen-Moments
I like all of your thoughts here, especially “Search out new experiences.”
Life is so rich with possibility. If we exposed ourselves to more of it, we would have that many more chance to wind up loving our life.
It’s kind of like being in the world’s largest and most diverse shopping district with a bag of cash — and not venturing beyond the Wall-Mart store because it is familiar. With apologies to Sam Walton, that just doesn’t make any sense.
Get on out there :-)
Cheers,
John